How are you… REALLY?

I’m fine… But, how are you, REALLY?

Sometimes, “I’m fine” means exactly that. Other times, it can mean, “I don’t know how to explain what I’m feeling,” or “I don’t want to burden anyone.” And sometimes, it’s simply the easiest answer.

Taking the time to check in can make it easier to say more—or to say, “I really am fine.”

Checking in with yourself

When you’re used to pushing through, you may not always stop to think about how you’re really doing.

• Pause. Think about if something has been weighing on you or feeling harder lately.
• Notice changes. Consider whether you’ve been pulling away, losing interest, or struggling to get through the day.
• Be honest. Are you feeling hopeless or having thoughts of suicide? These feelings need your attention.
• Reach out. Tell someone you trust. Try, “I’m not really okay. Can we talk?”

Checking in with someone else

If someone says they’re fine but something feels off, let them know you’re ready to listen.

• Ask again. Try, “I’m really asking. How are you?”
• Make space. Give them time to answer. You don’t need to fill the silence.
• Listen. Don’t judge, minimize, interrupt, or rush to try to fix things.
• Ask directly. If you’re concerned, ask, “Are you thinking about suicide?”
• Keep showing up. Help them find support if they need it, and keep checking in.

Checking in is more than asking, “How are you?” It’s showing that the answer matters.

This advice was brought to us by our friends at Health Advocate.  If you need help thriving in your everyday life, check out our Life Assistance program.